a lot of activity last week, but little training. . .

After reaching my new mileage record for a week (17), I slowed down to attend to more important matters. Mom was in town; it was the last week my aunt and uncle would be with me before heading back to Peru; and I was coordinating last minute details for the events planned to remember Melissa on the one-year anniversary of her death.

Having very little time at home at the beginning of the week, I made the conscious decision ahead of time to pay attention to the people in my house rather than to take off running as soon as I got home. It was a wise move. Even though I was extremely tired and it was just about dark when I got home, I didn’t have to feel guilty about not going out for a run. I’d already made the decision not to run. J

Instead, Tia Ani, Tio Walter, and I introduced Mom to “wine time” – a glass of wine, some cheese, and a beautiful sunset off my back porch. Why would I want to run instead? That was Monday and Wednesday. Tuesday, we went to Coastal Flats for a bon voyage dinner. I introduced all three of my guests to one of Melissa’s favorite foods – ozzie rolls. Yum!

Thursday was a special day I’d been planning for months. I wasn’t sure what to expect emotionally, but I knew I wanted to do something constructive to take my mind off all the negative thoughts that can creep in one’s head on such anniversaries. It would mark the day I would stop counting the time since Melissa died in days and months and begin counting in years. Years. It’s hard to imagine what it will be like to look back 18 years from now to reflect on Melissa’s life and all the time without her. But that day will come just as this unimaginable day came. And on this day – the day Melissa would have turned 37 – we honored her memory and celebrated her life.

The day began at the memorial garden on the campus of George Mason University where we planted a tree in her memory. The event was everything I wanted it to be and more. The fact that they’d agreed to plant the tree on this date and allow Melissa’s family and friends to be there was already enough for me. But in addition, Melissa’s colleagues had a beautiful memorial hand-out for everyone in attendance; allowed us to pick the place the tree would be planted; and gave us time to treasure the moment.

About 30 people gathered around the site as the digging equipment began its work. When we approached the hole to scatter her ashes, the sun broke through the clouds and the drizzle stopped for the duration of the ceremony. Her mom and others commented that it was a sign that Melissa was there with us – a beautiful sentiment. One of her colleagues said a few words, remembering Melissa’s kindness, caring and impact on those at GMU. Then I spoke, recalling our move to Fairfax and equating it to a homecoming for Melissa after having been away for so long. I thanked GMU for giving us this place for years to come. We lingered for some time, took pictures, chatted with friends and family, and then headed off to Stonelea Farms to honor Melissa’s wishes.

In her final days, as we planned her final arrangements, Melissa told me that she wanted to have her ashes scattered over Miley’s grave. Miley, the horse she had grown to love and for whom she mourned only weeks before her own diagnosis. In spite of the muddy pasture, this event also surpassed my expectations. Lucia welcomed us to her Farm with muck boots and kind words about Melissa. She had a helmet marking Miley’s grave site, which we used to guide our scattering. Most every one of the 20 people gathered took turns strewing Melissa’s ashes over Miley. Mom read a poem and we were done.

Both of these events definitely had somber overtones and evoked strong feelings of loss, but they were also marked by fond memories of old and creation of new memories for the future. By joining together in Melissa’s name, we honored her life and reinforced her inerasable mark on ours.

The evening event at Coyote Grille – a fund raiser for Crohn’s and Colitis Foundation of America – was a perfect end to the day. Melissa’s friends and family filled up the outdoor dining area for a couple hours in happy celebration. Claire sang beautifully. And folks opened up their pocket books to purchase raffle tickets whose proceeds went directly to CCFA. When I started planning this event with Jen, I had no idea what it would take to pull it off. Jen almost single handedly pulled it off. From the flyers she created, to the donations she solicited from businesses, to the table decorations, to the door prizes, to the raffle tickets, to the box to put the raffle tickets in. Everything. She planned everything. I forwarded emails to get people in the door. I had no idea all the work that had to be done and am very grateful I partnered with Jen to do it.

At the end of the day I felt good about what I and others had done. We took a day that could have been melancholy and lonely into a day of memories and celebration.

Training got back on schedule on Friday.